I always knew that I wanted to be a fashion designer not only for my love of fashion, but also for my creativity. I dreamed about what a glamorous career it would be. I had visions of sitting at a desk drawing pretty clothes and looking at fabrics and colors. To me it seemed like the perfect career.
After much discouragement from my family I knew that it would be a difficult road getting there. I knew I would have to work hard to make my dream a reality. Shortly after high school I enrolled in the fashion institute and moved to Los Angeles. After a grueling 2 years of countless classes and projects I was finally on the road toward my future. I hit a few bumps along the way with rejection after rejection until I fianlly got my first job in the industry. I was in!
I started off working in production preparing tech packs and I was miserable, but I knew that it was my foot in the door. I stuck through it and kept my hope alive that one day I would become a designer. Eventually the designer who I had admired saw something in me. She promoted me to her assistant and I was thrilled!
I worked with her for a couple of years and learned all that I could. I Eventually knew that I had no more room to grow at that company and it was time for me to move on to something new. I started working at a kids clothing company still as an assistant designer. After working there for a year I was beginning to feel discouraged that I would never become a designer.
I needed something more and I felt stuck. I was no longer progressing in my career. Finally the associate designer position opened up and I was offered the job. I did it! I was going to be a designer. I was one step closer to my ultimate dream to be a head designer. At times the job was really rewarding and was the creative outlet that I loved. I got joy out of working with buyers and coming up with new designs.
After a few years and the birth of my first daughter, I realized that this career was not at all what I had dreamed of. It was not at all as glamorous as I had thought it would be. The reality was that it was stressful and hostile at times. The hours were long and the deadlines were endless. I would often work 6 and sometimes 7 days a week. The buildings and streets were dirty and the offices were unorganized. They were filled with clutter and mess it was hard to work at times. I also had to deal with a one hour commute to and from work. I had reached my breaking point. I knew then that something had to give.
I would sometimes hide in the bathroom and cry. I had fallen into a deep depression. I was over stressed and over worked and I missed my daughter. I was saddened by all of the little milestones I was missing out on and all of the time I could have been spending with her. It was heartbreaking to miss out on her first steps and to not be there when she had fallen off the bed. At times I felt like a terrible mother and other times I felt so much resentment. Resentment towards my husband and his mother who got to spend so much time with her. The fact was that I only had 2 hours after a long day of work to spend with my daughter before it was time for bed.
How could I leave my daughter everyday and know that I was going to a place where I was told that my thoughts and opinions don’t matter. It was a tough pill to swallow to realize that all that I had worked so hard for and all that I had dreamed of was not what I thought it was going to be. There was no way I could have it all. Be a successful designer and be the mother that I wanted to be.
There was a reason that very few people in that industry had kids. To work in that job I would have to be a slave. Always working on the next deadline and always coming up with the next design. I was torn and I was at a crossroads. Was I willing to throw it all away and walk away from my dream? I knew that if I left I would probably never go back.
It wasn’t easy, but I knew that it was a decision that would have to be made for my sanity and the sake of my family. My husband and I made the decision that I would leave my career behind and become a stay at home mom. I can honestly say that I have never looked back. It just felt right. We have had our struggles learning to adjust to a single income, but we have managed to make it work and it has been so worth it.
Soon after leaving my job we got pregnant and had our second daughter. I love being home with my daughters. It is so rewarding knowing that I can be there for every moment of their life. I never want to miss anything again. It was definitely the best decision I could have made for our family. It has brought us closer together and made us so much happier.
To keep my creativity alive I started an Etsy shop with my own handmade girls dresses and I more recently began this blogging journey. I love having the freedom to explore so many other opportunities. The possibilities for stay at home moms are endless. I know that staying home in not an option for everyone, but this is my story and it has worked for my family. I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this topic. Please leave me a comment. If you would like to check out my Etsy shop visit me here at https://www.etsy.com/shop/LilPosies .